Amidst Chaos...

"Amidst chaos lies opportunity."
-Albert Einstein

I admire mothers who have it all together. Or who have it together enough to appear, you know, to have it together.

And while there are limited areas of my life where I do have things pretty well together, I will admit that homeschooling isn't one of them. It gets crazy around here.

I was more organized with 2 children and only 1 of school age, but adding children seems to make it harder. I certainly don't feel that God has called me to homeschool and limit my family size to make it happen in an, um, orderly fashion...

ON THE CONTRARY! It began to occur to me that the 'chaos' of a large household is actually a true benefit to a homeschooling family, depending on how it is received.

Whaaat?

Well, look with me. With a smaller family, I as a mother, have more time and energy to make plans and execute them smoothly. As more children, and more pregnancies, come along, I am stretched thinner and- let's be real here- formal lessons don't happen with the regularity they would without those pesky morning of puking, or those insane growth spurt days where I nurse a baby so much I hardly have time to go pee.

And did I mention those mornings when the 2 year old wakes up screaming because he's not in his shark pajamas... and he won't calm down... till 10 am???

So what's a responsible homeschooling mama to do?

I'm not sure- hehe- as sometimes I'm definitely not that picture-perfect matron, but I can tell you what I, an average, sometimes wiped out, sometimes cranky pregnant lady with three wild and wooly kids, do on any given day that is so nuts-o I can't even remember what's for lunch, or if there is even anything to fix for lunch.

I sit back, smile really big, and open my eyes to the grace.

While I was calming the 2 year old down, or laying in bad trying not to throw up from ravaging morning sickness, my 8 year-old snuck off to write in his secret journal... or to copy Chinese characters from some packaging material (he's currently obsessed with all things Chinese)... or to build a block tower using every block in the house. And my 5 year old choreographed a dance to the Blue Danube which she can play over and over and over and over on the keyboard... or joined in the block building... or made her own slingshot.

Are these things somehow less educational, less important to their development both academic and human than math pages and grammar excercises? Not to me.

Is a day spent playing with siblings (and yes, fighting and making up with siblings) less worthy than a day spent memorizing verb charts or slaving over math facts? And if I think it is less worthy, why?

I remember very clearly the day I took the school books off the high shelf and put them down on the shelf with all the, well, normal books. And something happened. Learning became somehow more normal... more real to us. Interestingly, my kids choose their 'school' books as often as they choose their other books, but it ceases to be a point of contention if today that poetry anthology doesn't get opened. Am I worried that my children won't learn 'what they need to know' because I don't direct their choices like I did in the days of yore: those everyone-has-quiet-time, snacks-at-3 (and ONLY at 3!), march-to-my-drummer days?

No. I see to much evidence that, for me at least, for my children at least, learning happens ALL the time. I can't stop it, hold it back, even if I want to. And as sick as I get of homemade catapults crowding my yard, endless keyboard jam sessions (WHERE ARE THE HEADPHONES YOU GUYS?!!!), art projects that overflow from the 'art table', and requests for math worksheets to be printed at 10 pm (yes, this happens... it seems to be the time of night when the math angel whispers into my children's ears "don't go to sleep... go wake up your mother and ask for math to do for fun...") I wouldn't trade the exuberance, the shouts, the wild adventure, for anything.


My other realization was that I can't schedule every minute of my children's learning and expect to grow self-motivated learners. I need to trust more that their interests will blossom if they have the time to pursue them... and not just on the 2 hour lesson-break planned every Wednesday afternoon!

Some mamas need to be in control. They want to lead. Some mamas let go of all control and give it over to the children. They let the children lead.

But for me, there's Someone else who leads.

And when life hapens- and OH! does it happen- I remind myself Who is in control. Who is the real Educator. Who gives the Light. Who more than me communicates the important stuff directly to these precious souls in my care.

And He will never let me down.

Making Good Memories-Part 2

As I write for this blog, I am not writing out of my expertise. I am by no means an expert in parenting or in homeschooling. I write to you about what I have learned or am learning. One day you will pass along what you are learning as a mom or dad and homeschooling parent to somebody else that needs encouragement.

In an earlier post, I started talking about making good memories. It is so important to make good memories with your children. I don’t remember everything from when I was a little. I think I started remembering more the older I got. I am not sure why that is. It would make an interesting study to find out why our memories became more detailed the older we get. In my last post I talked about the importance of making good memories since we, as homeschooling parents, are with our children all day long, and have the greatest potential for impact.

In the first post about making good memories, I talked about: 1) Don’t sweat the small stuff. 2) Laugh a lot. 3) Hug and Kiss your children. The next three ways I believe you can ensure you make good memories are:

4. Discipline them
This is a very touchy subject. Everybody has an opinion about this and about how to effectively discipline your children. I believe that discipline does not mean so much punishment as to “train” or “disciple.” The Bible commends us to train our children. There has to be an element of correction in the training, because children don’t always do or even know to do the right thing. I believe the response to negative behavior in children should be appropriate for their age, and we should teach them what God says for us to do, because training in Godliness is profitable. I am careful to be ever-conscious that every thing I do in training my children must be done in love. Recently I read a super post about anger vs. grace. This article would actual fall under my point #1 about not sweating the small stuff, but I think it fits here too.

5. Make your children feel safe.
I always want my children to feel safe. I always want them to feel like I will always be there for them to protect them and not let harm come to them. One example of how I might protect them is from EACH OTHER! OYE! In a household where you have a lot of children, there are lots of opportunities for fighting. I don’t ever want one child to feel as though it okay for another to hurt them, so I try to solve issues that arrive in such a way that the injured child feels safe. In the Bible, there are many stories of sibling rivalry. One story that stands out is in the Old Testament, the story of Joseph and his brothers. Jacob favored Joseph above his brothers A LOT. This created great strife in their family so much that the brothers threw Joseph in a well, then sold him to slave traders, and told his father he was dead. Now, I know this account ends in the favor of the Hebrews, but it was horrible for Joseph and his brothers while it was taking place. What could God have done had the strife not been present?

6. Do things your children like.
As adults, we have many interests and desires. We like to go shopping, and to the movies, and maybe hiking, or to a museum. But what does your child want to do? One great way to communicate love and make wonderful memories is do something fun that your children like to do. Maybe they like video games so you can take them to Chuck E. Cheese. If you go to the movies, let them choose, age appropriate of course. Take them to Toy’s R Us once in a while. One night for dinner I gave my kids chocolate mint ice cream in a cone! Now, I know that is not highly nutritious, but I am hoping that fun night is etched in their memory as the great night mom gave us some ice cream. Another family outing that takes place frequently is going out for pizza. My children love pizza! Now, my husband and I have lost our taste for pizza at this point, but because it is something they love, we still do it.

Making good memories is so important to your children. I believe it will make them more secure people, confident in who they are, and secure in your love which will help them as adults fulfill their purpose in history, God’s great story.

So, I have given you a small list of how you can memories with your children. What are some of other ways to make memories you can think of?

Please make sure to check back because there will be more upcoming posts on making memories as part of our early morning routine and at bedtime. Later on I will discuss what to do with all these memories once you have made them!

Many Blessings,

~Beth

When People Don't Understand

"..'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord...."

-Jeremiah 29:11

What do you do when your family members and other people don't understand what you are doing? How do you handle all the questions? How do you handle the criticism?

I don't know if I have all the right answers to these questions. I know that in general it takes people a while to get accustomed to the idea of homeschooling, even those who want to do it. (See Dorie's post yesterday.)

I will share what we have done. My husband and I have talked about homeschooling from the very beginning. We always wanted to do this, even before we had kids. Maybe God put this in our hearts long ago, because He knows everything, and He knows what is to come.

When our children started showing signs of developmental delay, we thought it would be better for them to be around other children; we thought that would help the speech improve, social skills advance, etc. But several incidents caused us to revisit homeschooling, and we decided this was the best thing. Thankfully we had people to encourage us in this endeavor. But that was not the case with everybody.

I encounter questions regularly, from grandparents, doctors, friends, you name it, especially because of the diagnosis of Pervasive Devolopmental Disorder. I explain myself a lot. I tell them things I know about school and how I think it will benefit my children to be homeschooled and how I feel it will not benefit them to be in a classroom setting. I have tried to arm myself with as much knowledge as possible.(My Bachelor's Degree is in Education, but to some people even that is not enough for me to do an adequate job homeschooling my children.)

As for the criticisms, I have tried to battle the same way, with knowledge. I have armed myself with research, and education, and information about how children learn. Do you know what I have learned? People have to come to their own realizations about this. People have been so conditioned to see public school as being the perfect setting for children. It may not be right,that perspective, but it is just so.

It all comes down to this. What is best for your child? What is God leading you to do for your family?

If you are struggling with this decision, let me arm you with a little knowledge. There are many successful people in history that were homeschooled and you just might recognize a few of their names: Leonardo DaVinci, Orville and Wilbur Wright, Thomas Edison, Louisa May Alcott, Alexander Graham Bell, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, and Albert Einstein. Contemporary examples of homeschoolers include The Jonas Brothers and Venus and Serena Williams.

At some point, I am going to stop explaining and let people see the fruit. I have tried to be kind but after a while questions and criticism can wear on you. That is when I revisit why we are doing what we are doing. We have to do what is right in our own hearts for our own family, and what we believe is God's plan for our children.

What productive ways do you deal with encounters with people who don't understand?

~Beth

Begin With the End in Mind

Begin with the end in mind. That’s something I keep thinking about. Being a parent is probably the most challenging thing I have ever done. I have these little people to shape and guide into the big people they are going to become. Where do I begin? At the end. Sounds strange, doesn’t it? But think for a moment. No artist randomly just begins painting. They first get a picture in their mind of what their completed work is supposed to look like. They know what they are creating.

Our Father God is the Great Creator. All life comes from Him. He told Jeremiah the prophet, “Before you were in the womb, I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart;”(Jeremiah 1:5) He also spoke through Jeremiah to the nation of Israel telling them in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you…” We should know the plans God has for our children and begin there.

We can ask ourselves several questions. What do I believe are God’s plans for my child(ren)? What natural talents and abilities do they have? What does God say about them? What does God say to do with them?

As homeschoolers, we have chosen to educate our children at home. Part of my reasoning for doing this is because I believe I am shaping the whole person, not just educating the mind. I have to include God’s plans and purpose for my child so I can get a clear picture of what I should be doing and stay focused on the masterpiece that with God's help, I am creating.

How do I determine the plans and purposes? I can pray. I can go to God and ask Him what I should be doing with my kids. I can pray for God to show me what natural gifting and abilities they have been given so I can help them cultivate and develop those gifts. I believe it is also important for me to be sensitive to them and keep my eyes wide open so I won’t miss something they might demonstrate interest in that will ultimately be a part of their beautiful picture. Most importantly, I must study the scriptures to find out exactly what God says that I must do and teach my children in order for them to be a success.

I know I am going to make mistakes. I already have. But I am constantly striving toward that goal of "training my children in the way they should go."(Proverbs 22:6) I believe that whatever they do, and whatever God has for them will ultimately glorify God and be an open door for them to share Jesus with their world.