Why Your Homeschool Should Not Look Like Mine

I live in Africa.  Do you?

I am a former teacher.  Are you?

I am finishing my PhD in Special Education.  Are you?

I have two little girls, ages 2 and 4.  Do you?

My oldest attends Pre-K in the morning for social reasons, but since she is several months ahead of her peers academically, I teach her in the afternoons.  Is this your situation?

I am an eclectic teacher and using interest-based learning techniques, Montessori concepts, Charlotte Mason ideas and many others.  Do you?

I like messy play, messy art projects, and messy learning.  Do you?

I like to create my own activities for teaching instead of using a curriculum.  Do you?

I am still not sure what our long-term education plans are for our children.  Are you?

Did you answer yes to all of those questions?  My guess is no.  If you did say "yes" to all, there is a chance that our homeschools may look a bit alike.  However, you and I are still different people.  Our children are different.  Our lives are different.  Our personalities, needs, abilities, desires are different.  What works for me may not work for you.  

What works for you may not work for me. That is okay.  In fact, it is wonderful.  God made us unique and we need to embrace that.

Too often, I see parents trying to emulate what other parents are doing.  As homeschoolers, we spend hours perusing the internet to find ideas for teaching our children.  We see those bloggers that everyone loves (and I love them too!) and we want to be just like them.  We try to structure our homeschools to look like theirs.  We use the same curriculums that they recommend (or they make) and we try their organizational and home management systems.

And we fail.  We can't figure out why it seems to work so well for them and it does not work for us.

Their systems do not work for us, because we are different.  While we can (and probably should) incorporate ideas we get from others into our homeschooling, we need to ensure that our homeschools and our homes are suited to our unique needs, interests, and situations.  We are different and our homeschools should reflect that.  

God has a unique plan for my family that is different from the plan He has for your family or the plan He has for any of those fabulous SuperMom bloggers.  Let's trust that God will lead our homeschools in the right direction and follow His lead for teaching our children and managing our homes instead of trying to follow the lead of others.  When we do, we will be successful (and happier) homeschoolers!

Marla is a former special education teacher, current PhD student, university instructor, and stay-at-home mom of two little girls (ages 2 and 4).  She blogs about raising and teaching her children at Marla's Motherhood Musings and her family's experiences living in Zambia at Our Life in Lusaka.

Work with What You Have, Because What You Have, Works

Even before I started homeschooling, and especially after I started, I had a dream.  The dream was a house... with an eat-in kitchen... and a playroom/ schoolroom off that eat-in kitchen... all separated from the 'formal' living area....

And the walls would be lined with IKEA Trofast shelving... and book displays... and a door would lead from this wondrous room into the back yard, per Maria Montessori's recommendation.... 

I didn't feel sorry for myself (most days), just a little frustrated, by the materials stuck here and there, but never where I needed them, when I wanted them.  Aggravated by the sticky door on my jumbled supply closet.  Piqued by our meticulously de-cluttered toy collection that never got picked up, despite its manageable size and scope.  And I dreamed of that room... wood floors, hopefully... a fireplace even?

Well, ladies and gentlemoms, here it is:

this year I got that room.

Oh, I paid for it I think, with a stressful move during a wicked-hot drought, a messy third trimester with a messier house... and the room doesn't have any windows except that door into the backyard (forgot to add windows into the dream...).

And add to that, my  husband had to go to Minneapolis on business a few weeks ago, and guess what?  Trofast shelves hitchhiked home in his trunk.  And guess what else?  Ruined carpet meant ripping out the carpet and laying wood down (well, actually faux wood plank tiles, but good enough for me).

So go on, ask me- is it heaven?  Has our homeschool achieved new heights; has the play in this hallowed space been more soulful, more perfect?  Has my dream layout brought true happiness?

O friends, you know the answer by now, don't you?  You do.

It's just a room.  Right now, those wood planks are covered with toys and the art table looks like Picasso's studio recently vomited all over, spilling down onto the floor.  And several projects are still in progress on my dining table.  The more school-ish math and phonics books still sit in a stack on my bookcase in the living room because hey, I like to nurse where it's quiet and little people apparently like to do math where it's quiet, too. 

Last week, I'll admit, I felt a little let down.  All my great ideas weren't magic.  Things work just like they always have, and frankly, it robs the sweetness of achieving my dream set-up.  My books are organized, well, a little bit- but I still have to use them. 

What I used to have- rubbermaid totes for sorting the toys, stacks of books here and there, art supplies stuffed in the dining room cabinet- worked for us just fine.  And what I've designed and done in our new home works, too.  But it's US who work, really, isn't it- myself and my little people!  Not the storage furniture.  And by the way, IKEA Trofast shelves do look nice, but someone still has to put the toys away in them....

Do you ever do this?  Dream of how you wish you had more space, better shelves, enough baskets for all the toys, an organized supply closet, and so on and so forth?  Are you waiting to carve out that art nook/ reading nook/ nature table till you move to a bigger house/ declutter/ organize your supplies/ have a weekend to yourself?

I wouldn't.  Because it's pretty rare and pretty miraculous for some dreams to come true.  I know I never really expected to have my daydream come true.  That's why I always forced myself to make an art nook when there wasn't really room for one.  And now I realize that the real secret is:

Work with what you have, because what you have, works.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite.  Or waiting around for Friday night or waiting perhaps for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil or a better break or a string of pearls or a pair of pants or a wig with curls or another chance.  Everyone is just waiting.  ~Dr. Seuss


Enjoy yourself.  It's later than you think.  ~Chinese Proverb

As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do.  ~Zachary Scott
For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life.  But there was always some obstacle in the way.  Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid.  Then life would begin.  At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.  ~Fr. Alfred D'Souza

Creating a Homeschool Space

When we first started homeschooling, we lived in a house with less than one thousand square foot living area. We were very limited on space.  Our homeschool area consisted of a shelving system, our dining room table, and the living room sofa.  That was all we needed.

Fast forward eight years, and now we live in a house more than twice that size with a designated room for homeschooling.  It is a blessing.  However, you might be surprised to know, I don't think it is essential for homeschooling.  No, indeed, I know you don't really need a specific homeschool room to successfully teach your children.  And, you definitely don't need the cutest, most current organizational methods and devices which 'guarentee success.'  For I have witnessed many families homeschool with so much less, and dare I say it, perhaps have done a better job than those with so much more. 

The truth of the matter is...

To homeschool, you only need a few things in regard to physical space. 

Perhaps your homeschool area is a designated room or part of a room.  Maybe you see your whole house as a homeschool setting.  Or, for your family, the world is your classroom.  Regardless of your situation, you still have a need for a physical space for homeschool supplies, books, and important papers.

Three Essentials for a Homeschool Space, Area, or Room...

• Shelves or Storage Area - I think we can all agree that some kind of housing or location for all your books and supplies is needed.  Whether you store them all in one room or throughout your house in convenient point of use locations, this is one way to personalize homeschooling.
• Place to Work - Depending on your homeschool style and preferences, this place to work could be a desk, table and chairs, clipboards, sofa, or bean bag chairs.
• Box, Drawer, or Binder - Important papers like state regulations, lesson plans, attendance records need to be kept in an easy to find location.  You may never need to prove your child's homeschooling experiences, but having the documents in a secure, easy to find location, can be a benefit if you do.

Four Things to Remember When Creating a Homeschool Space...

• Organize your space to respond to the needs of your family.  Don't try to copy someone else's space.  Try any organization method you think will work for your family, but don't keep using it just because someone else recommends it.  If it doesn't work for your family, try something else.
• Remember why and how you homeschool.  These two factors will greatly determine how you set up your homeschool area.
• Your homeschool space can contribute to the success of your homeschool, but it does not determine it.  It can be wonderful to create an organized space or room of beauty and comfort to use for homeschooling.  It is a blessing to give our children {and ourselves} this, if we are able.  However, many homeschool families successfully homeschool with less.  The latest organizational gadgets or the biggest homeschool rooms do not guarantee homeschool success.
• What works this year, may not next year.  Homeschool situations change.  Circumstances, the number of children you homeschool, or the way you homeschool may change over time.  Your space might need to be altered to accommodate these changes.

Five Fun Extra Items to Consider Adding to Any Homeschool Space...

• Color and Patterns - Make your space a little more personal and fun with color and/or patterns.
• Containers - All sizes and shapes can help organize almost any homeschool area.
• Pictures, Posters, and Children's Art Work - Decorate your area with visual aids, pretty pictures, or original works of art.
• Animals and Plants - Live plants and animals can add vitality to an area.  Most children are fascinated with observing living things. 
• Unexpected Items - Just because a space is designated for homeschooling, doesn't mean everything in it has to be functional. Some items may be included for fun or beauty. 

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Dorie enjoys being outside, photography, art, writing, a strong cup of coffee, and good conversations seasoned with much laughter. She and her drummer husband, Jerry, share a life built on faith in Jesus, love, and grace. They have been blessed with four active children. Each day, whether easy or trying, is a wondrous part of this grace filled journey, and Dorie blogs about them all at These Grace Filled Days. Their homeschooling adventures can be found at Homeschooling Just Next Door.

Academic Progress at Their Pace

There is freedom in homeschooling.  We choose curriculum, or opt to use outside resources like classes, tutors, or co-ops for some subjects.  When needed, we can alter lesson plans to suit our families, or change directions when something isn't working.

In any given school year, many choices and decisions are made, but probably one of the most daunting responsibilities is determining the pace a child progresses through their academics.  As a homeschool teacher, you can allow a child to progress at their ideal pace for them, but what if this is far outside the norm? 

Typically, a child finishes the school year and they are promoted to the next grade.  They have completed satisfactory work and progress to a harder level.  However, not all children do. 

A child who struggles greatly may need remedial work or increased tutoring time over the summer break.  Perhaps, they need a different academic approach or some specific interventions throughout the coming year.  Lightening their academic load by concentrating only on core subjects may help.  Sometimes, they may even need to repeat a grade level in one or more subjects.

On the other hand, a child may excel quickly through their academic work.  This child sails through all your lesson plans, completing near perfect pages with very little evidence of effort.  Perhaps, they need a more challenging approach or a few extra courses in the coming year.  Sometimes, they may even skip a year to reach a more challenging level.

No matter what the situation, both children need their academic progress paced in some fashion. 

Regardless of what curriculum or method you use, the pace you employ is vital. 

A child who struggles should not be expected to complete as many lessons in as short of time as a child who excels academically.  We all understand this innately.  However, what about when your child only struggles with one aspect?  Maybe multiplication or sentence diagramming presents difficulty for your otherwise good student.  Do you progress at the child's pace, slowing down for their understanding, or do you press forward, trying to complete the curriculum on someone else's schedule?

Recently, I was reading through a book which cited the literal meaning of curriculum as 'to run a course.'  Wanting to determine the validity of that statement, I checked out the definition from Oxford Dictionaries on line.   This is what I found.

Curriculum - noun (plural curricula or curriculums): the subjects comprising a course of study in a school or college; origin - early 19th century: from Latin (see curricle)

Curricle - noun historical: a light, open, two-wheeled carriage pulled by two horses side by side; mid 18th century: from Latin curriculum 'course, racing chariot', from currere 'to run'

{definitions from Oxford Dictionaries}

Curriculum is the course set before the student.  There is an end in sight, but there doesn't have to be a standard speed.  Children walk it at their own pace, finishing as they are able.  As parents, who happen to be teachers, may we continue to encourage and lead them along the way to progress at their own pace. 

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Dorie enjoys being outside, photography, art, writing, a strong cup of coffee, and good conversations seasoned with much laughter. She and her drummer husband, Jerry, share a life built on faith in Jesus, love, and grace. They have been blessed with four active children. Each day, whether easy or trying, is a wondrous part of this grace filled journey, and Dorie blogs about them all at These Grace Filled Days. Their homeschooling adventures can be found at Homeschooling Just Next Door.

Five Steps To Choose Homeschool Curriculum

There is an amazing selection of terrific supplies for homeschooling families. The internet brings this to our fingertips. Are you looking into curriculum for next year, or considering homeschooling for the first time? Here are a few ideas to make curriculum shopping less intimidating:

1) Create a budget.

What is the ideal amount you would like to spend? What can your family afford above/below that amount? Do you have money set aside to pay all at once, or will you be trying to take advantage of a payment plan (many companies offer these)? Nailing this down first will help you make tough decisions as you go, rather than getting your heart set on something only to realize you can't make it happen after all.

2) Create a master list.

Begin with considering which method (or methods!) of schooling best fit with your family. Think about what your mission is a homeschooling parent and what your goals are - as a family and for each particular child. Then list any requirements in your state for the ages of your children. Once you have these parameters in place, you can list the subjects you will be covering, leaving space to fill in which materials you will use as you find them.

3) Research your options.

The internet is the best shopping tool on the planet, hands down. Not only can you look over samples and lists at homeschool curriculum companies, you can also read the reviews of other parents who have used those materials and connect with other homeschooling parents to glean their perspectives on different items. Talk with the other homeschooling families in your area; ask what they are using, what they have used, and what their thoughts are concerning your curriculum quest.

4) Attend used curriculum sales and homeschool conventions.

Wether or not you purchase anything at these gatherings, you will benefit from the time you spend. It is one thing to look at an advertised book or system on your computer screen, but it is quite another to hold it in your hands, flip through all the pages and speak with the parent (and sometimes student) who used it. First-hand accounts like this and the option to read over the material helps a great deal in the decision-making process.

5) Fill in the blanks.

Once you get this far, you will have most of the items on your list filled. I usually don't make any purchases online (though I may have a saved 'shopping cart' waiting to click 'check out') until I've been to the events in step four. Then, if I have a few things I didn't find or still need, I can take advantage of bulk rates or discounted shipping when I add to my order. I may beg or borrow materials from a friend or put together lessons from a free resource online.

What have you found to be your best resource for researching curriculum?

Amidst Chaos...

"Amidst chaos lies opportunity."
-Albert Einstein

I admire mothers who have it all together. Or who have it together enough to appear, you know, to have it together.

And while there are limited areas of my life where I do have things pretty well together, I will admit that homeschooling isn't one of them. It gets crazy around here.

I was more organized with 2 children and only 1 of school age, but adding children seems to make it harder. I certainly don't feel that God has called me to homeschool and limit my family size to make it happen in an, um, orderly fashion...

ON THE CONTRARY! It began to occur to me that the 'chaos' of a large household is actually a true benefit to a homeschooling family, depending on how it is received.

Whaaat?

Well, look with me. With a smaller family, I as a mother, have more time and energy to make plans and execute them smoothly. As more children, and more pregnancies, come along, I am stretched thinner and- let's be real here- formal lessons don't happen with the regularity they would without those pesky morning of puking, or those insane growth spurt days where I nurse a baby so much I hardly have time to go pee.

And did I mention those mornings when the 2 year old wakes up screaming because he's not in his shark pajamas... and he won't calm down... till 10 am???

So what's a responsible homeschooling mama to do?

I'm not sure- hehe- as sometimes I'm definitely not that picture-perfect matron, but I can tell you what I, an average, sometimes wiped out, sometimes cranky pregnant lady with three wild and wooly kids, do on any given day that is so nuts-o I can't even remember what's for lunch, or if there is even anything to fix for lunch.

I sit back, smile really big, and open my eyes to the grace.

While I was calming the 2 year old down, or laying in bad trying not to throw up from ravaging morning sickness, my 8 year-old snuck off to write in his secret journal... or to copy Chinese characters from some packaging material (he's currently obsessed with all things Chinese)... or to build a block tower using every block in the house. And my 5 year old choreographed a dance to the Blue Danube which she can play over and over and over and over on the keyboard... or joined in the block building... or made her own slingshot.

Are these things somehow less educational, less important to their development both academic and human than math pages and grammar excercises? Not to me.

Is a day spent playing with siblings (and yes, fighting and making up with siblings) less worthy than a day spent memorizing verb charts or slaving over math facts? And if I think it is less worthy, why?

I remember very clearly the day I took the school books off the high shelf and put them down on the shelf with all the, well, normal books. And something happened. Learning became somehow more normal... more real to us. Interestingly, my kids choose their 'school' books as often as they choose their other books, but it ceases to be a point of contention if today that poetry anthology doesn't get opened. Am I worried that my children won't learn 'what they need to know' because I don't direct their choices like I did in the days of yore: those everyone-has-quiet-time, snacks-at-3 (and ONLY at 3!), march-to-my-drummer days?

No. I see to much evidence that, for me at least, for my children at least, learning happens ALL the time. I can't stop it, hold it back, even if I want to. And as sick as I get of homemade catapults crowding my yard, endless keyboard jam sessions (WHERE ARE THE HEADPHONES YOU GUYS?!!!), art projects that overflow from the 'art table', and requests for math worksheets to be printed at 10 pm (yes, this happens... it seems to be the time of night when the math angel whispers into my children's ears "don't go to sleep... go wake up your mother and ask for math to do for fun...") I wouldn't trade the exuberance, the shouts, the wild adventure, for anything.


My other realization was that I can't schedule every minute of my children's learning and expect to grow self-motivated learners. I need to trust more that their interests will blossom if they have the time to pursue them... and not just on the 2 hour lesson-break planned every Wednesday afternoon!

Some mamas need to be in control. They want to lead. Some mamas let go of all control and give it over to the children. They let the children lead.

But for me, there's Someone else who leads.

And when life hapens- and OH! does it happen- I remind myself Who is in control. Who is the real Educator. Who gives the Light. Who more than me communicates the important stuff directly to these precious souls in my care.

And He will never let me down.

A Different Angle of Comparrison

It's funny how you can know something in your mind, but your heart can completely ignore it and cause you to fret and worry. We've heard about the dangers of comparing our homeschool to others, but on a more immediate level, we should learn not to compare one child to their sibling.

Alana (6) and Kyra (5) are finishing up their Kindergarten year. Both have enjoyed school and get excited about trying new things (well, except when it comes to food). Both love to learn, play games, and get dirty!

I've struggled this year with the fact that Kyra is exceling at school, while her older sister can't seem to keep up and has her own issues in subjects like reading/phonics.

This is where the knowing and the heart comes into play.

I know that each child is different. Each child has their own passions, their own strenths and weaknesses, and their own path. Part of the reason that we homeschool is to be able to cater to these differences.

Still...

Sometimes when I reflect on Alana's struggles, I can't help but wonder and worry. I mentioned a few posts ago about her speech therapy and possible delays due to being premature--and it could all very well be related. Or it could be something else, or nothing at all.

I worry about Alana's feeling inferior in academics and, in turn, not enjoying the learning process. This year, I've not pushed Kyra to her full potential because I was kind of trying to keep them on the same page--after all, Kyra was already doing Kindergarten stuff a whole year early.

As I consider our curriculum and schedule for next year, I can't help but compare my children and their strengths/weaknesses.

I've realized a few things, though, and trust me, some of them are very "duh!" in nature:

1. I can't expect that both girls will excel at the same things. Kyra is already reading, but Alana can wield a crayon/pencil to create the most amazing things. Alana can put a 100 piece puzzle together in no time and with no help, but Kyra can remember songs and Bible verses like their going out of style.

2. Children learn more when it's something they enjoy or that they can apply to themselves. Incorporating their passions into subjects like Math and Reading, or using unit studies can encourage them in their learning. Unit studies in particular can include children on any level, so they are all learning together.

3. We need to celebrate the differences! For the most part, Alana will only "feel" inferior, if we make a big deal out of the fact that Kyra is passing her--even when there's nothing wrong with her or with Kyra. Alana won't lose interest in learning if we continue to cater to her interests and encourage the stuff she does well. Little things, like giving her a small "art studio" will do far more for her self-esteem than having her sister working in different curriculum and whatnot.

4. Whta works for one, may not work for another. Children, in general, learn in different ways, at different paces. Kyra is remembers most things she sees and hears. Alana is much more a kinesthetic learner. I was using All About Spelling for both of my girls at the beginning of the year. About halfway through, I switched Alana to Horizons because she was having trouble with the auditory/verbal stuff in All About Spelling. She's done better after switching.

5. Comparing doesn't help anyone. What do I gain by comparing an apple and an orange? There is no comparison. And all it results in is useless worry and doubt that is anything but proactive and encouraging.

So, as I finish up this homeschool year and prepare for the next, I'm trying not to compare my children, but instead to celebrate and embrace their differences. I aim to deepen our relationships and encourage their trust in the Lord. I hope to instill and nourish a love for learning that will take them well into their adult years.

None of that has anything to do with comparrison.

Feeling Inadequate

We all have it - that one subject that just makes us cringe.  The one subject that we hate to teach.  The one subject that almost makes us want to have someone else teach our children.   For me that subject is Bible Study.  Math, Reading, Science, and Social Studies all excite me.  I love figuring out new and fun ways to teach Abigail the academic skills!  I am never at a loss for fun ideas to teach those skills.  However, when it comes to teaching about the Bible,  I freeze.  

It makes no sense, but whenever it is time to plan our bible lessons, I don't know what to do.  It is almost like I have never taught before.  I am clueless.  I feel so inadequate.  Most weeks, I don't even know where to begin to plan those lessons.  So, sometimes I don't.  Sometimes, we don't do a bible lesson because I am too scared to create it and never get it done.  On those weeks, we just read the toddler bible from beginning to end over the course of the week.  I know that reading the bible is not the same as a planned, structured lesson, but fear keeps me from doing more - the fear of failing as my girls' teacher.

In my mind, anything that I create to teach Abigail and Charlotte about God is not good enough.  It is all inadequate.  I have tried using curriculums that I have purchased, but quickly gave up.  They weren't good enough either.  Nothing meets the standards that I have set in my mind for a quality bible lesson.

Deep down, I know that my lessons and the lessons I have purchased are good enough (and are much better than nothing).  So, despite my fear of failing, I have resolved to try harder - to try harder to ensure that we have a bible lesson each day and to try harder to have faith in my own abilities.  Doing so will only benefit my girls and me.

Reflecting on Our First Few Months

I've been reflecting back on our first few months of homeschooling, and it's amazing how far we have come in just a few months! So, since this will be my final post here for 2011, I wanted to share what I've learned in our first 4 months of homeschooling.

10. Glitter glue rocks.  So do wonder color markers and washable crayons. 

9.   Don't worry about not keeping up with the local schools. The main reason I'm homeschooling is to NOT do the same things.

8.   Each child learns at their own pace. Do not compare them.

7.   Just because I think it's a wonderful idea to color code the craft drawers does not mean the preschooler will agree. {ahem}

6.   Craft supplies can be anything from a cardboard tube to a stash of colorful *bling* from my scrapbook drawer.

5.   Go with their learning style. Sophie is going to be interest led, while Bella {at the moment} is leaning all planned out {like me!}

4.   Take a break if you need to. There's nothing wrong with taking a fun day so you can all step back and breathe.

3.    Going with #4....breathe.  Just breathe.

2.    Involve others in your homeschool! The girls love it when Daddy is in charge of school.  Grammie Aury also did school with the girls while we were on vacation - it's good to switch it up!

1.   You are going to have good days.  You are going to have bad days. Write out why you are homeschooling and post it. Refer to it on one of *those* days {we all have them!} and remember that you are in this for the long haul - it's not a sprint.

Next week will be full of fun here on Growing Your Homeschool with giveaways scheduled Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday! 

Aurie Good is a pastor's wife, a "retired" youth minister, and probably the most relaxed mom that you'll ever meet!  She blogs at Our Good Life with quips about life as a stay at home mom to two girly toddlers, two wild & crazy dogs, and one cranky cat.  She is married to her best friend and consider the simple life that they've created absolute bliss!  They are currently embarking on a new path of fostering to adopt medically fragile infants and are thrilled to see where God leads them!

From Comparing to Cooperating

Fair or not, when homeschoolers encounter other homeschoolers, we sometimes begin to compare.  She does better at {fill in the blank}, and I am worse at {fill in the blank}.  And, even if we avoid using the 'than' comparisons, we may evaluate in another way.  "Her daughter is reading unabridged classics in second grade!"  "Wow, their child speaks four foreign languages and is beginning college level courses at age 14!"  As a result, we may begin to find our value in the comparison, ranking ourselves, our homeschools, and our children.

While it is incredible to learn about, celebrate, and be inspired by the successes of others, it is important to not find our own worth in a comparison.  Each family's homeschool is unique and gifted differently.  Where our homeschool excels, another may be challenged.  Where our homeschool stumbles and falls flat on its face, another excels.  Instead of constantly comparing and evaluating, might we try another way?  A way of cooperation inspired by the timely example of Thanksgiving.

The Lesson of Thanksgiving
When the Pilgrims first came to the New World, it was autumn.  They faced incredible difficulties and unimaginable hardships that first winter.  By spring, they were fewer in number and strength.  They had to succeed or face another winter starving.  The local experts, Native Americans, taught the Pilgrims survival skills specific to the New World.  By harvest time, the Pilgrims enjoyed a time of plenty, and celebrated with the Native Americans.  They gave thanks for the bountiful harvest.

As homeschoolers, we have many opportunities to do something similar for one another by stopping the comparisons, finding value in our differences, learning from one another, enjoying the blessings of sharing, and giving thanks. 

This is something that I find here in our cooperative blog and many other helpful sites around the web.  However, the internet isn't the only place to find cooperative encouragement.  Many of us are also blessed with outstanding local support groups or fellow homeschool friends.  Each day, encouragement and cooperation may just be a click, phone call, or visit away, as we all work toward growing our homeschools. 

And for this I am grateful.

Combatting Self-Criticism

On some occasions, the harsh criticism of others can be crippling, but most often the criticism that does the most damage in our lives is our own. Self-criticism is a more deadly poison because we often don't set up any guards against it; we have no defenses.

It happens when I compare myself to others, or when I'm embarrassed that my child didn't perform up to par in public. It happens when I feel defeated after a bad day rather than determined to find a better solution. And it happens subtly, when I mutter "we homeschool" under my breath and feel as though I might ought to offer an apology for that fact.

Self-criticism is sneaky and subtle, yet overpowering. And the best way to defend against it is to stay alert to its tactics and to prepare for it.

Recognizing Self-Criticism.

The first step to guarding against self-criticism is recognizing its tactics, knowing where it's likely to attack, and the verbal assault that it is about to launch. It could happen at your local homeschool group, or at your favorite blog. It could happen on Facebook or while you are chatting with your friend. Instead of rejoicing in someone else's success, we immediately notice the differences. And the self-criticism begins its attack: "We don't do it that way." "I never would have thought of that." "I couldn't possibly do more than we're doing already." And then, from noticing the differences, suddenly those differences make us feel inferior: "No wonder we struggle." "I'm just not cut out for this." "I could never be that kind of a homeschool parent." We resort to absolute statements of "always" and the even more common "never." Then, we resign ourselves to defeat and discouragement.

Defending with Realism.

Ironically, many of us who struggle the most with self-criticism claim to be realists. We're just "facing the facts," we say. And yet, it's probably more true that we are omitting certain facts.

For instance, I only occasionally post about our bad days on my blog. Every now and then I will have caught it on camera or will have learned something valuable enough from the experience to warrant publishing it to the world. But everyone's natural tendency is to present only our best for the world to scrutinize. Remember that as you drool over someone's curriculum, school room, or craft-filled lesson plans; remember that their children throw tantrums and color on walls, too.

Another dose of realism is to recount your own successes: the things your children have learned, the days that were highlights of education, the moments when the light went on for your children. If you find yourself a frequent victim of self-criticism, keep a journal of your high moments and refer back to this often. Bottom-line: remind yourself of the reality that everyone has lows and that you, too, have some highs worth remembering.

Personally, I find myself most susceptible to self-criticism when I feel that I have something to prove. I put more pressure on my children to succeed in public, and I put more pressure on myself to do things perfectly. And the result is that I'm destined for defeat. It's the fear of man, and it's a guaranteed snare.

One of the most powerful quotes in my life, one that I come back to over and over again says:

"I live before an Audience of One. Before others I have nothing to gain, nothing to prove, nothing to lose." --Os Guinness

When self-criticism fingers its way into your day, recognize its tactics, be prepared to face it off with reality, and then remember to whom you are accountable. There's only One opinion worth worrying about.

To read all of Tracy's posts on "Combatting Criticism," click here.

My Biggest Struggle

Homeschooling is a journey that I never in my wildest dreams imagined I would be taking. In fact, just a few short years ago my best friend who was trying to conceive her first child, told me she planned to homeschool her children and my response was "why would you do that to your child?!" I planned to send my children to public school. I mean, I was a public school child and I turned out fine, right? Wait, don't answer that.

My, my how things have changed. I realize more and more each day that God has a plan that is not our own, and His plan is so much bigger and so much better than we could ever fathom. But first, we must let go of our plans. Looking back, I can pinpoint the time that God planted the homeschooling seed into my heart. It was 3 years ago and both of my daughters were in preschool. Times were rough. We could no longer afford to pay $200 a month for preschool. So I thought, I'll preschool them at home, and I did. Never once did it cross my mind that I was homeschooling. We continued "preschooling" them for the remainder of that year.

The next year, our circumstances had changed. Our oldest started Pre-K and our youngest(who is only 11 months younger, but couldn't attend pre-k because she missed the age requirement by 11 days) went to daycare. My oldest cried every single day of pre-k. She hated going..luckily my husband was the one who dropped her off. At the end of the day, she was fine and she said she had fun, but she wasn't learning anything. Everything they were attempting to teach her, we taught her the year before. About halfway through the year homeschooling started creeping into my thoughts. I checked out a book from the library, read a few chapters and returned it. I convinced myself there was absolutely no way I could homeschool. I had to work full-time. My husband had to work full-time. Sadly enough, I was going to send them to public school because I needed a babysitter. Typing that hurts.

A couple of months later, we found out my husband would be laid off and would be going back to school. That's when the light bulb came on. He could plan his class schedule around my work schedule and we COULD homeschool. Isn't God awesome? The girls finished out the year at their pre-K/daycare in May and we began homeschooling both of them in Kindergarten in July.

We've just finished our Kindergarten year and our entire family loves homeschooling. It has worked out so well for us. I can no longer imagine waking the girls up at 6:00 a.m. to catch a bus to school by 7:00 a.m. We love the flexibility that homeschooling provides.

One of the biggest struggles I've had during our first year has had absolutely nothing to do with teaching my children. My biggest problem has involved me comparing myself and our homeschooling family to others. Ladies and gentlemen, hear me out: reading blogs and speaking with other homeschooling parents is a great way to find new ideas and get advice, but please let it stop there. Don't fall into the trap of comparing yourself or your children. Trust me, if you do this, your homeschool will fail. It's a natural tendency (especially among women) to compare yourself to others who seem to have it all together. Let me share a secret with you. They don't. Their life is just as chaotic and disorganized as yours. Their children are no smarter than yours. Their husbands/wives don't love them anymore than yours. We all have issues. We all have strengths. We all have weaknesses. There are two possible outcomes of comparing ourselves. 1.) We look at others and *think* we're much better off than they are. I mean we've done x,y,z this week. We must have something right. Then we fill ourselves with self-righteous thoughts and pride. Or, 2.) We look at others and see all the ways that they are better than us and doubt begins to creep in. We think we aren't meant for this job of being a homeschooling parent. We think we are ruining our kids and they aren't learning anything. And these are lies. God has equipped each of us with all the skills necessary to educate our children. He doesn't call us to do a job and not give us the needed equipment to complete the task. Really Moms and Dads, look at everything your children have learned from birth to age 5. You taught them everything they know. You did that and you did an awesome job. Why stop there?

I'm not saying homeschooling is for everyone. I'll be honest, for some people homeschooling would be a detriment to their children. But if you WANT to homeschool your children, you CAN do it.

We are a year into this incredible journey and I have so much to learn. Every day I discover something new about myself, my children, or life in general. It's fascinating. Not only am I educating my children, they are educating me. Seeing your child truly grasp a new concept is a feeling nothing else can compare to. I can't imagine missing those opportunities.

I'm here to tell you that there are good days and bad days. There are days when I feel like super mom and days when I feel like I should've stayed in bed. I'm going to share those days and all the days in between with you. I will be transparent and real. You may not agree with everything I say and by all means, call me out. I look forward to your comments and suggestions. I can't wait to learn from you guys, like I said I have SO much to learn. So come along, buckle up and hold on tight, it's going to be a wild adventure.